i think my tv is drunk
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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