take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
