no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
