so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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