I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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