Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
