if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
