So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
