i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
