Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
