what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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