she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
