and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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