cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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