'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I touched a dick in church today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
