I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
