the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
