If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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