STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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