why didn't you poke me back
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
