He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is Oprah even human
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize