Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
