does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
