im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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