you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
