it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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