after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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