i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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