I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
