We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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