I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
