Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize