I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
