Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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