At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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