You work out of a Hotel?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
