Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
