I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
