Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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