I showed him my bush... on skype.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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