i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
