just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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