1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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