the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As shirtless as possible
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
