it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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