i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
