I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
