There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
