Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
