my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize