I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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