just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
