Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
