I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
