its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
