Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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