I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
