i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
