I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
