wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
