ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
