I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
