Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
