matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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