i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
