Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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