woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
