I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
