Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
