Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
