he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
