dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jerry, you need to find god
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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