i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
