i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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