Life is so much better after having sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize