I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
