just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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