okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
