this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
