I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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