hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
