Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
