we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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