Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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