Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
