I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
