i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
