dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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