I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
