Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
