There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
