She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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