guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
