my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's the barista slut.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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