So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
