i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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