she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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